Game Reviews

“Amidst Us” - 1/5 Stars

"My life is in shambles."

by LonelyVoyager (Verified Purchase)

I started playing “Amidst Us” thinking it would just be a fun little distraction. Little did I know that my distraction would turn into oblivion. As I accused my best friend of being the traitor, my house lights flickered. A single, dim bulb exploded. Three weeks later, I'm a shadow in my own home. I don’t trust anyone anymore. Forget fire—my house is haunted now. This game has brought nothing but suspicion and paranoia. 1/5 stars. I have no one left.

“Counter Stroke 2” - 0/5 Stars

"Look, I'm writing this from the remains of my apartment..."

by NoMoreElectricity (Verified Purchase)

Everything began fine. You know, quick match, trying to be the ultimate sniper. And by "ultimate sniper," I mean the guy who constantly misses. Then, out of nowhere, my router exploded. Sparks flew, the living room caught fire, and before I knew it – the entire building was a bonfire. Six ambulances later, the landlord sent me a bill for damages I can’t even comprehend. Was it worth it? No. My couch is gone. My dignity is gone. Thanks, Counter Stroke 2. Wait, wrong game.

“Elder Ring” - 1/5 Stars

"It summoned demons... literal demons."

by TheForebodingCircle (Verified Purchase)

Played Elder Ring on a stormy night. Perfect atmosphere, right? That is, until my cat started acting... weird. A shadow moved behind the screen. Next, my lights flickered. By the time I reached the first boss, there were claw marks on the walls I DIDN'T PUT THERE. I’m convinced this game has summoned creatures from beyond the veil. I tried to quit, but it wouldn’t let me. Worst part? My cat hasn’t blinked in four days. Do NOT play this after dark.

“Rocket Soccer” - 0/5 Stars

"Why, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, did I play this?"

by DriverGoneMad (Verified Purchase)

This game has ruined my life. First off, collisions between rocket-powered cars and soccer balls? Sounds fun. Until you realize it destroys your will to live. I’ve smashed so many keyboards, I've lost count. Did I mention I accidentally drove my own car into my neighbor’s fence AFTER playing? Yeah, my real car. I don’t know what’s real anymore. 0/5. My car insurance premium went up 60%. Not worth it.

“TwoWeek” - 0/5 Stars

"I can't stop, send help."

by AMostlyFunctionalZombie (Verified Purchase)

Purchased this “free” game thinking it would be a way to kill a few minutes. Well, it's been TWO YEARS since I’ve left my apartment. I’ve stopped paying rent. My landlord knocked on the door for months, but I ignored him. I’m sure he’s gone now. The only thing keeping me company is this endless loop of brightly colored digital chaos. TwoWeek? More like eternal suffering with a side of dance moves. Help.

“Vertex Legends 2” - 1/5 Stars

"A black hole, both in-game and metaphorically."

by FlixFlame (Verified Purchase)

Ha! I thought I’d hop into Vertex Legends 2 to "relax" and "claim victory." HA! Twenty minutes in, and my graphics card started sputtering. Thirty minutes? My computer audibly screamed. I didn’t even know they could do that. Sixty minutes later, the black hole I was trying to escape in-game felt pretty real as my entire gaming setup overheated and suddenly shut down on me. Now I’m just staring at the charred remnants of my GPU. Thanks, Vertex Legends. Thanks for nothing.

HOTAIR™